Friends of the best sort

The year is 1990, I’ve only been divorced for a few months, I am in my early 20’s. I have gotten myself a roommate. A friend of hers wanted to fix her up with a friend of a friend. She didn’t want to go alone to meet him, so she asked me to go with her. We met the guy, his name was Buzz, they dated, they broke up. However, he and I stayed friends. Our friendship grew. We had good times, we talked for hours upon hours, about our loves, our broken hearts, our triumphs, our faith, our fun times.

The years passed, I got married, he got married. I got divorced, he got divorced. We only stayed in touch every now and then, but it was always like we’d just spoken yesterday when we’d connect. Some friendships are powerful like that, some friendships weather all storms. Some people can’t understand that type of bond, but Buzz and I knew that our bond was rock solid. We loved each other. I was lucky that the man in my life understood, the women in his life did not. I stood solid, and he wandered away. I was hurt, I mourned his absence, I got mad, and I resigned myself to the fact that I may never talk to him again, but that it would be his choice, he knew where to find me.

A year went by, and one day he showed up at my office, it’s 2011. He looked like crap, I was shocked at the changes in him. But, I was so happy to see him, happy to hug him, to hear his voice, and happy to be able to fuss at him for disappearing on me. It was because the woman in his life didn’t understand the bond, it was no surprise to me. He came back nursing a broken heart, but worse than that, the liver disease he had been fighting was progressing.

We renewed our friendship with a vengeance, our phone calls were not just once a day, but usually several times a day. I started going to doctor’s appointments with him, started taking him to the hospital, spending the night in the hospital with him, making phone calls on his behalf, and even becoming his voice at times.

The year is 1997, I’m only a couple of days away from my secret wedding. The future groom called me and told me there was this girl Edna I needed to meet, she was new in town and was new in the medical field and thought I could help her. I went over to her office, and said hello, I surprised to meet this person who was completely opposite of the type of person the name Edna brings to mind. For some reason, I confided in her that we were sneaking off to get married in a day or two. A bond quickly formed, we spent hours talking and laughing, we got together as often as we could.

She moved to town only a day or two after getting married because her husband got a job here. She hated it here. I was the first friend she made after moving to town. Soon she found Tae Kwon Do, and she blossomed, she found a passion. She moved up in the ranks, achieving her 5th degree black belt, she won state championships and competed in and placed in worlds. I was always in awe of her accomplishments. She never backed down from a fight. Determination and dedication are two adjectives that describe her best, but you can’t leave out hysterically funny, loyal, friendly, stylish, and beautiful because they also describe her best. Charisma was what she possessed, and she possessed tons of it. I always felt lucky that she considered me one of her best friends. Actually, she often called me her best friend, a position I was honored to fill, yet one in which I felt like I didn’t always hold up my end of the bargain.

The year is 2002, and a nasty lump showed up in her breast, our worse fears were realized when the pathology came back as cancer, and triple negative breast cancer at that. I remember sitting on the floor on the phone with her for two hours, much of that conversation was just the two of us crying. She wasn’t going to take this lying down, she was going to fight with everything she had. Two days after she got her biopsy results, I got mine. I had a lump in the same location as hers. My lump was benign, we spent more time on the phone crying with relief.

She beat cancer down like swatting a fly. Cancer wasn’t going to mess with Edna.

Life got busy, I moved to a different town, albeit not that far away, about 30 miles, it alters your daily patterns. Alters your contacts, changes who you see day to day.

She made a major decision and moved her 97 year old grandmother from Kentucky to live with her because she wasn’t being taken care of where she was. I didn’t even know about it until months after Gran was here, and I feel badly that I let our communication slip that much. She structured her entire life and household around Gran. Nothing but the best for Gran would do. When Gran arrived, she was bedridden, on oxygen and in hospice. Edna was having none of that, Gran is now 100, off of hospice care, off of oxygen for the most part, and walking 14 minutes on the treadmill.

Three years ago, she came to work with me, and we got to spend 8 hours a day together and I loved it and so did she. We actually did get some work done, but we also got to renew the friendship in a major way. I also gained 15 pounds because we went to lunch every day and that girl loved something sweet to finish off her meal, and I had to follow suit, and she didn’t have to even twist my arm very hard at all.

The year is 2010 and that nasty lump is back, biopsy confirmed that the cancer had returned, and it had spread to several lymph nodes. Her job duties and our bosses allowed her to work from home while she underwent chemo. So, I didn’t get to see her every day, but we talked and texted and emailed constantly.

The cancer was really aggressive and spread to her cerebral spinal fluid, yet she fought, never taking her eyes off of remission and cure. Hospital visits to see her became more frequent. She beat the cancer into remission.

Buzz would tell me he was praying for Edna. She would tell me she was praying for Buzz. They often asked about the other one.

The year is 2011, it’s November, Edna had turned 40 at the first of the month. After Thanksgiving she went into the hospital, and the cancer came back. She was moved to palliative care, and then to hospice and on December 16, 2011, she was gone.

My world was shaken to the core. I finally made that trip to Kentucky with her, the one we’d talked about taking some day, but this was not the visit I had envisioned.

The year is 2012, the year is only 2 days old. Buzz has been in ICU for a few days. He went into multi-organ system failure. It’s a horrible thing when those who love someone have to make the decision to discontinue life support, but sometimes it’s the only choice. At 6:30 pm last night, January 2, 2012, Buzz took his last breath. I was sitting at his beside. Today, we made arrangements for his funeral.

My world was shaken yet again to the core.

17 days, only 17 days apart, two of the best friends I have ever had departed this earth for their Heavenly home. I am glad that their human bodies are suffering no more, I’m glad that their souls are soaring with the angels and they are embraced in the arms of our loving Father. I am lucky to have a large support system and many other wonderful friends who understand the grief that has taken over my life. I am lucky to have the strong support and loving arms of Chris who has just held me while I wailed and cried and struggled for my breath. I’m lucky to have a mother who showed up to sit for hours with me at the hospital, just waiting. I’m lucky to have friends and family who have texted and called to check on me. I’m lucky to have a father who spoke at Edna’s funeral. I am lucky to be blessed. I was blessed with these two wonderful friends, and I thank God for allowing me to know them and love them, and to have them love me right back.

Godspeed my friends.