We made it to another milestone yesterday. It was day 120, or in other words 4 months since Willy's tumor was detected. Now we're on our way to our next milestone, 1 day in and counting. He's already beat the 80 days by 21. He is doing so well. His hair is growing back at a pretty good pace. I'll be glad when it is back. I'd say it's about 1/3 of the way there, maybe a little more.
This morning, I spent some time tossing out some of his toys that have seen better days and kept his favorites. Of course, that sparked some interest in what was put back in the box. He has a mat for scratching that he used to lay on all of the time. He hasn't been interested in it for months. I sat down with a brush and got all of the cat hair off of it. and noticed a zipper on the back. I unzipped it and pulled out a bag of catnip, one I'm assuming has lost it's zip - therefore, the loss of interest in the mat.
I got up to go get some catnip to refresh it, and came back to find him lying on the mat, (curiosity & cat... what can you say?) I got out my camera to take a few photos. I changed it to record when he started chasing his tail. I've always wanted a video of him chasing his tail, but never could seem to get one. So, catching that on tape made me happy. I'll try to get it uploaded soon.
Thanking God every day for the fact that Willy is doing so well. Believing for many more of those good days.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
In public? Seriously?
If I EVER somehow go out of my house and to the store with my dark unmentionables showing through my thin pajama pants that have a big split running down the back, PLEASE tell me and don't just laugh and blog about it while you're standing in the checkout line behind me.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Perfect
Beautiful weather, a screened in back porch, Chris relaxing reading a book, me and Willy on the porch swing... Yep, perfect.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Triggers
Yesterday afternoon, I came home from work to check on Willy. I ended up taking him back to the office with me. I wanted to weigh him. Eight days before, I had taken him to the vet for a weight check, and he was 12.5 lbs. Yesterday, he weighed in at 12.5 lbs. I'm so happy that he is maintaining his weight!
He's still eating well, sleeping well, playing, socializing, being affectionate. By all outward appearances, he looks great. I think he is doing great. We're on day 111 now. I love watching that number go higher. Things are going well. I'm really encouraged. I think the ES Clear is helping a lot.
But, my emotions are still raw underneath the surface, waiting for a trigger. Last night, I encountered one of those triggers and I couldn't cap the emotions. We were at the dinner table, and Chris said something that caught me off guard, something about Willy's future. I almost choked on the bite of food in my mouth, I couldn't get it down. I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. It wasn't anything he said that I hadn't already thought about myself, so the content of his comment wasn't what upset me. I think it was that I was caught off guard, there was no prep for the statement. I couldn't stay at the table.
Willy was in his customary place next to me. I pull a chair over next to me and feed him small bites of people food as he sits there and waits. (most of the time, patiently, and others, well, not so much) Always have and will continue to do so as long as I can. I got up and headed toward the bedroom, grabbing a tissue as I went. All I wanted was to curl up and cry. I kept going, the walk in closet was dark, I went it and sat on the floor and just sobbed. I couldn't stop it.
I was only there a minute when Willy came to join me. He actually got up and left the table with food still sitting on a plate. He has always had an instinct for my feelings. He was very adamant about loving on me. He was purring very loudly and pacing back and forth. I kept crying. I didn't want to upset him, but I couldn't stop it.
Chris came back to check on me, he said "I'm sorry Blondie". I couldn't even convey to him that I wasn't upset with him, or even what he said. He'd never seen me like that, hiding in the dark on the floor in the closet, bawling my eyes out. I've never seen me like that. I was trying to will myself to stop crying. It wasn't working.
Finally after about 20 minutes, the tears let up some. My phone rang. Chris had brought it to me when he came to check on me. A diversion, a welcome diversion. It was a dear friend of mine who has been sick. He is back in the hospital. He wanted to know if I was okay, all I could say was that I was sad, so sad. But the diversion worked. I stopped crying. After we got off the phone. I went and laid on the bed, picked up a book and started reading. I was already about 2/3 of the way finished with the book, so it worked pretty well as a diversion too.
Chris came in to check on me again, and curled up behind me. And we talked for a long time. I enjoyed lying there with him, putting things in perspective. Assuring him that I wasn't upset with him. Willy came to join us.
All was right with my world at that moment in time, lying there with the man I love, and the cat I love. And, best of all, they love me back.
He's still eating well, sleeping well, playing, socializing, being affectionate. By all outward appearances, he looks great. I think he is doing great. We're on day 111 now. I love watching that number go higher. Things are going well. I'm really encouraged. I think the ES Clear is helping a lot.
But, my emotions are still raw underneath the surface, waiting for a trigger. Last night, I encountered one of those triggers and I couldn't cap the emotions. We were at the dinner table, and Chris said something that caught me off guard, something about Willy's future. I almost choked on the bite of food in my mouth, I couldn't get it down. I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. It wasn't anything he said that I hadn't already thought about myself, so the content of his comment wasn't what upset me. I think it was that I was caught off guard, there was no prep for the statement. I couldn't stay at the table.
Willy was in his customary place next to me. I pull a chair over next to me and feed him small bites of people food as he sits there and waits. (most of the time, patiently, and others, well, not so much) Always have and will continue to do so as long as I can. I got up and headed toward the bedroom, grabbing a tissue as I went. All I wanted was to curl up and cry. I kept going, the walk in closet was dark, I went it and sat on the floor and just sobbed. I couldn't stop it.
I was only there a minute when Willy came to join me. He actually got up and left the table with food still sitting on a plate. He has always had an instinct for my feelings. He was very adamant about loving on me. He was purring very loudly and pacing back and forth. I kept crying. I didn't want to upset him, but I couldn't stop it.
Chris came back to check on me, he said "I'm sorry Blondie". I couldn't even convey to him that I wasn't upset with him, or even what he said. He'd never seen me like that, hiding in the dark on the floor in the closet, bawling my eyes out. I've never seen me like that. I was trying to will myself to stop crying. It wasn't working.
Finally after about 20 minutes, the tears let up some. My phone rang. Chris had brought it to me when he came to check on me. A diversion, a welcome diversion. It was a dear friend of mine who has been sick. He is back in the hospital. He wanted to know if I was okay, all I could say was that I was sad, so sad. But the diversion worked. I stopped crying. After we got off the phone. I went and laid on the bed, picked up a book and started reading. I was already about 2/3 of the way finished with the book, so it worked pretty well as a diversion too.
Chris came in to check on me again, and curled up behind me. And we talked for a long time. I enjoyed lying there with him, putting things in perspective. Assuring him that I wasn't upset with him. Willy came to join us.
All was right with my world at that moment in time, lying there with the man I love, and the cat I love. And, best of all, they love me back.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Day by day
Numbers - I've never particularly cared for numbers. But, my sister on the other hand has made numbers her career.
Numbers can signify how much weight you need to loose, what your various lab values in your bloodwork are, your birthday, how old you are, how many siblings you have, your number of friends on Facebook, miles per gallon your car gets or how many miles you've traveled, and how many frequent flyer miles you get for those you actually traveled. Numbers show your bank balance or lack thereof or even how much sugar to put in cookie batter. You get the idea, numbers are everywhere. Numbers can mean so many things.
Right now, my world is centered around numbers. As in, number of days. The type of cancer Willy has gives 20 - 80 days as the average survival rate after detection of tumor.
Our clock started on February 13, 2010. That is the first time that we have evidence that there was a tumor. It was over two months before we were able to put a name to the tumor, but detection of the tumor clock started on 2/13/10.
I went to the calendar that hangs by the back door, and I flipped back to Feb 13th and I started numbering. Today I wrote his number on today's date.
He's eating, he's sleeping, cat-napping, playing, being social, affectionate. He spent part of the morning torturing another poor lizard who ventured into Willy's territory. I was sitting on the sofa and Willy was in my lap when all of the sudden, he was off like he was shot out of a cannon, across the room, through the door, onto the porch, and in a matter of seconds he wandered back into the living room with his prize. I have to confess that I got out my camera and shot some video of the events following the capture. I felt sorry for the lizard, I truly did, but for me, it was the joy of seeing my little boy active, feeling good, enjoying his life. I can rewind and watch it as many times as I want to.
It's the times like this that I am glad that I opted for not giving him chemo. I would not want him lying sick for days at a time, only to start feeling better and then us starting the cycle all over again with another dose of chemical in an IV.
The increasing number on the calendar everyday lends to the feeling that I, that we, made the right decision.
I have added ES Clear to his daily regimen. It's a combination of several herbs and it's made for cats with cancer. I've read testimonials singing its praises. I have to say, I was a little hesitant at first, especially when he threw up 3 different times after I started it. But, I kept at it because he'd really just upchucked hair balls. It is supposed to help rid the body of toxins, and I guess all that hair hanging around can't be a good thing.
So, back to numbers - he'd gained a tad bit of weight when I took him in for a quick check earlier in the week, all of the numbers on his last bloodwork looked good, and today, well, today - we made it to day 106. Willy has already beaten the odds, and I can't help but feel good about that.
Numbers can signify how much weight you need to loose, what your various lab values in your bloodwork are, your birthday, how old you are, how many siblings you have, your number of friends on Facebook, miles per gallon your car gets or how many miles you've traveled, and how many frequent flyer miles you get for those you actually traveled. Numbers show your bank balance or lack thereof or even how much sugar to put in cookie batter. You get the idea, numbers are everywhere. Numbers can mean so many things.
Right now, my world is centered around numbers. As in, number of days. The type of cancer Willy has gives 20 - 80 days as the average survival rate after detection of tumor.
Our clock started on February 13, 2010. That is the first time that we have evidence that there was a tumor. It was over two months before we were able to put a name to the tumor, but detection of the tumor clock started on 2/13/10.
I went to the calendar that hangs by the back door, and I flipped back to Feb 13th and I started numbering. Today I wrote his number on today's date.
He's eating, he's sleeping, cat-napping, playing, being social, affectionate. He spent part of the morning torturing another poor lizard who ventured into Willy's territory. I was sitting on the sofa and Willy was in my lap when all of the sudden, he was off like he was shot out of a cannon, across the room, through the door, onto the porch, and in a matter of seconds he wandered back into the living room with his prize. I have to confess that I got out my camera and shot some video of the events following the capture. I felt sorry for the lizard, I truly did, but for me, it was the joy of seeing my little boy active, feeling good, enjoying his life. I can rewind and watch it as many times as I want to.
It's the times like this that I am glad that I opted for not giving him chemo. I would not want him lying sick for days at a time, only to start feeling better and then us starting the cycle all over again with another dose of chemical in an IV.
The increasing number on the calendar everyday lends to the feeling that I, that we, made the right decision.
I have added ES Clear to his daily regimen. It's a combination of several herbs and it's made for cats with cancer. I've read testimonials singing its praises. I have to say, I was a little hesitant at first, especially when he threw up 3 different times after I started it. But, I kept at it because he'd really just upchucked hair balls. It is supposed to help rid the body of toxins, and I guess all that hair hanging around can't be a good thing.
So, back to numbers - he'd gained a tad bit of weight when I took him in for a quick check earlier in the week, all of the numbers on his last bloodwork looked good, and today, well, today - we made it to day 106. Willy has already beaten the odds, and I can't help but feel good about that.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Unintended joy
For Christmas, Chris got me a porch swing. He installed it on the back porch, the screened in porch. I loved it and looked so forward to the weather getting warm enough so I could enjoy the swing.
Finally, that day arrived and very soon, Willy and I started spending part of the evening on the swing together while Chris sat in his chair on the other end of the porch, and we talked, and enjoyed each other's company.
The unintended joy has been watching Willy enjoy the swing by himself, especially since he's been sick. More often than not, that's where he is. I'll go out there and give him a push. I stand in the house and look out the window, just to watch him in the swing. It warms my heart, and gives me joy. I know Chris got it for me to enjoy, but I don't think he realized that it would bring me so much joy in more than one way. Thank you Chris.
Finally, that day arrived and very soon, Willy and I started spending part of the evening on the swing together while Chris sat in his chair on the other end of the porch, and we talked, and enjoyed each other's company.
The unintended joy has been watching Willy enjoy the swing by himself, especially since he's been sick. More often than not, that's where he is. I'll go out there and give him a push. I stand in the house and look out the window, just to watch him in the swing. It warms my heart, and gives me joy. I know Chris got it for me to enjoy, but I don't think he realized that it would bring me so much joy in more than one way. Thank you Chris.
Friday, May 21, 2010
What's behind door #1?
Have you ever been going somewhere, and just looked at the houses, and wonder about the people that live there? Wonder about the events that have happened in that house, in their lives? The happiness, the fun, the laughter and the tears? The sadness, the despair that can be masked behind a manicured lawn and a picket fence?
I always tend to lean to the happy, because that is my basic nature.
Right now, I'm so sad because of Willy's situation, that now, I look at the houses and wonder most about the sadness that the occupants have had to deal with. I know that my mood is temporary. I know I'll get my feet back under me.
I always tend to lean to the happy, because that is my basic nature.
Right now, I'm so sad because of Willy's situation, that now, I look at the houses and wonder most about the sadness that the occupants have had to deal with. I know that my mood is temporary. I know I'll get my feet back under me.
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