From the sidelines

One of my best friends is battling breast cancer - again!  It's not fair, she's 38, she's in fantastic shape.  She's one of the most determined people I know.  Her resolve is strong.

Human emotions were given to us by God. We experience them, it's part of being human.  Let me tell you, the emotions have been assaulting me, and I can't even begin to imagine what she's feeling.  I see her struggle, her fear, her anger, her tenacity, her humor,  and best of all, I see her faith, and her joy in knowing that she belongs to God.  It's a crazy mix.  We cry together, we get mad together, we have even started laughing together again.  "Get out of my way, I've got cancer."  "Can I use your phone? Cancer's not contagious." all said with her trademark style.  She has kept me laughing for the 13+ years I've known her.  She helps me get through the day.  I only hope I can do as much for her.  I know I'm going to give it my best shot.

She has an indomitable spirit.

8 years ago, I just didn't have a grasp on everything she was going through.  When chemo was done, surgery was done, radiation was done and her hair started growing back - she'd beaten it.  She survived!  And we all breathed a sigh of relief.  It wasn't over for her though, she was trapped in the emotions that accompany the disease.  The emotions we couldn't recognize because we didn't truly understand.  We were all safe in our cocoon of naivete.

I don't claim to understand them this time around, but I do know that I won't be so naive when she completes each stage.  I am in for the long haul.  And, I'm just bossy enough to make sure others who care about her are too.

I'm lucky to have support as I'm dealing with my emotions, my mom has cried with me on the phone and talked with me about God and healing.  Chris has talked through my emotions with me, and just hugged me and held me.  I hate cancer and it's cruelty.   I have friends who I've vented to, who care and listen to me, and are jumping in with both feet to help.

Thank goodness for the distractions of our day to day life, you just can't make up this stuff. 

Other than my prayer for the restoration of her health, I pray that God guides me in how to be what she needs me to be.