From the sidelines

One of my best friends is battling breast cancer - again!  It's not fair, she's 38, she's in fantastic shape.  She's one of the most determined people I know.  Her resolve is strong.

Human emotions were given to us by God. We experience them, it's part of being human.  Let me tell you, the emotions have been assaulting me, and I can't even begin to imagine what she's feeling.  I see her struggle, her fear, her anger, her tenacity, her humor,  and best of all, I see her faith, and her joy in knowing that she belongs to God.  It's a crazy mix.  We cry together, we get mad together, we have even started laughing together again.  "Get out of my way, I've got cancer."  "Can I use your phone? Cancer's not contagious." all said with her trademark style.  She has kept me laughing for the 13+ years I've known her.  She helps me get through the day.  I only hope I can do as much for her.  I know I'm going to give it my best shot.

She has an indomitable spirit.

8 years ago, I just didn't have a grasp on everything she was going through.  When chemo was done, surgery was done, radiation was done and her hair started growing back - she'd beaten it.  She survived!  And we all breathed a sigh of relief.  It wasn't over for her though, she was trapped in the emotions that accompany the disease.  The emotions we couldn't recognize because we didn't truly understand.  We were all safe in our cocoon of naivete.

I don't claim to understand them this time around, but I do know that I won't be so naive when she completes each stage.  I am in for the long haul.  And, I'm just bossy enough to make sure others who care about her are too.

I'm lucky to have support as I'm dealing with my emotions, my mom has cried with me on the phone and talked with me about God and healing.  Chris has talked through my emotions with me, and just hugged me and held me.  I hate cancer and it's cruelty.   I have friends who I've vented to, who care and listen to me, and are jumping in with both feet to help.

Thank goodness for the distractions of our day to day life, you just can't make up this stuff. 

Other than my prayer for the restoration of her health, I pray that God guides me in how to be what she needs me to be.

Game plan

Now we have the game plan.

Now it starts.

I can't do the hard part.

I wish she didn't have to experience it - again.

September 16th - she's ready, she's coming out swinging. 

Ok cancer, game ON!

Fear

Fear is a powerful thing. The unknown makes us fearful. Facing your fears is so much easier when you have a game plan and you know your opponent.

You are not alone.

You are loved.

You are our friend.

CCKMA

Gabby, Gabs, Gabalicious, Gabakins...

She has won our hearts, she brings laughter to a house that was saddened by the death of our beloved cat Willy.  She is still sick with her upper respiratory infection.  We had another vet visit on Saturday, and they took me into the room where Willy was put to sleep.  I almost asked them to take me to another room.  I sat there and cried when they left me in the room to take her to the back to be examined.  I got out my iPhone to distract myself.

Her URI is not better, so we are on new antibiotics now, and she got a shot of steroids.  I almost freaked about that.  Steroids were what caused the diabetes in Willy.  Steroids were what caused my blood sugar to spike after my back surgery, it's a good thing I was still on the PCA pump lying there in ICU when they gave me insulin, or I might have freaked.  Instead, I just pushed the button and let the morphine take over.  Her shot of steroids was to help her breathe, so I had to relax and let them give her an injection.  I mean, she needs to breathe.

Saturday night, she played and played and played.  We were just going to bed, and she jumped up to the foot of the bed, and she was open mouth breathing.  Again, I freaked.  That was what they told me Willy would do just before his death, and he did.  Thankfully, it went away after about a minute.  But that was a long minute for me.  I couldn't get to sleep, I worried about her.  I woke up during the night, and worried about her.

She didn't do it again.  Thank you Jesus.  Sunday, she got in the meatloaf position - that's the position cats get in to help them breathe easier.

My little girl is sick and I'm so worried about her.  This morning, when my alarm went off, she was asleep at the foot of the bed, but she didn't stir as quick as I thought she should, and my heart was pounding.  But she was just took her time in waking up.

I'm paranoid, but trying not to be.  The vet's office called to check on her this morning, and I told them about the open mouth breathing and the meatloaf position.  She told me she'd check with the vet and call me back.  She told me not to worry about the open mouth breathing unless it went on for greater than 10 minutes and the meatloaf position is a position that kittens often get in, they like to tuck their front feet under themselves, and to not worry.

So, I'm listening to what they are telling me, but with a dash of over-protectiveness.  She's my baby, and I can't help but worry.

It bears repeating

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Cancer sucks.

Thinking of you my friend, you beat it before and you will beat it again. Love you E.

Again?

It started with boogers.  Cute little Gabby was sporting these ugly black boogers.  We'd wipe her nose, a process she was not fond of, but they came back. 

Then the sneezing started, a little dainty sneeze, maybe once a day.  Nothing that really concerned me, I'd wait for the next one, and it might appear the next day, or not at all.

On Friday, she sneezed three times in a span of a few minutes.  So, I called the vet's office, they said bring her at 3:15.  This is the same vet's office where she lived for about 2 months while waiting to be adopted out and while being treated for a nasty case of coccidia.

I had a sense of deja vu walking through those doors with a cat carrier on my shoulder.  They were happy to see their little friend, the sweetest one, the most playful one.  She on the other hand, wasn't so wild about her visit, but despite that - she was a sweet girl.

A sweet girl with an upper respiratory infection, a mild one, but we have to start her on some treatment.  You'd never know by looking at her, except for the boogers.  She has not slowed down in the least.  She's full of energy, and into everything.

Liquid Clavamox twice a day - and let me tell you - that process is NOT fun.  There's power in those little legs when they are in fight or flight mode.

And then, because kittens can be a little pre-disposed to viruses, Lysine powder twice a day.  Memories instantly flooded back to me, and I had to bite back the tears.  I was giving Willy the Lysine powder twice a day to help keep the viruses away from his battered immune system.  I told her that I still had a jar, an almost full jar because the cancer was stronger than the viruses.

So, now I'm doling out Lysine powder to my little girl, with a jab in my heart each time I do.

Reality bites

This has been a tough week for my friends.

An ugly foe rearing its head in the form of fear, and the possibility of something so much worse. ~~~

Seeking a name for the culprit that is slowly taking mobility away, so we can fight it once we know what it is. ~~~

A shock to the very foundation of something ordained by God. ~~~

Something so difficult to talk to me about, from someone who can talk to me about anything. ~~~

I love each of these friends.  I hurt along with them.  I stand beside them offering what I can, which sometimes is only a hug, a word of support, sometimes something a little more practical.

I want each of you to know that I am so sorry these things are assaulting you, and to know that I am standing with you in prayer and faith.