Lackadaisical

That's how I'm feeling in a word, lackadaisical.  I had such plans for this weekend, granted, it is early on Saturday morning still... I did get up and walk a mile even though it seemed to be more of strolling a mile, but it was a mile nonetheless.  Instead of my usual 20 minute mile, I was closely approaching a 30 minute mile.

I started a new medication on Wednesday - it's just a little pill, and I only take half, but it seems to pack a wallop.  I looked it up this morning, yeah yeah, I know - maybe I should have looked it up BEFORE I sarted taking it, but my cardiologist said it's a well tolerated, low side-effect drug.  Did he know *who* he was talking to?!  Turns out it is a steroid... ugh! 

I think that is why I'm so wiped out - sounds like a good enough reason anyway.

I tried the water and salt route for over a year, and while it helped, it just didn't seem to be enough. So, I'm giving this a shot.  It's supposed to take 10 days before I notice any difference, I took my 4th pill this morning, hoping I can hang on, and hoping it works.  Fingers crossed.

In other news, I'm trying to find homes for a Mama Kitty and her 4 kittens. They took up at the house a couple of weeks ago and don't seem to even be thinking about leaving.  They are all adorable, but the kittens just aren't warming up to me.  Any takers?

They have totally destroyed Chris's tarp...

One of the few shots of all 4 of them together, after all, it is like herding cats...

 

Mama Kitty.  She's such a good mama.

 

 

My parents are taking the solid gray one and the lighter gray striped one.  So, that leaves 3... raise your hands please, pretty please... pretty, pretty please.

 

Oh, and if the solid gray one is a boy, I want to name him Dapper.

 

And... Chris and I finally joined the rest of the USA and signed up for Netflix.  We are wondering why we waited so long.  Redbox, you're on the outs for a while.  We'll visit when you have some new releases, maybe.

 

And sorry blog, I've neglected you too long...

 

 

 

 

 



Hidden Treasures

Every now and then you happen upon some hidden treasures.  That’s happened to us several times this week.  We are on vacation in the Smoky Mountains, staying in a rented cabin in Bryson City. 

We didn’t have any concrete plans for the week.  Chris wanted to go to the Cherokee Indian Museum and go to the Smoky Mountain Knife Works in Sevierville, Tennessee but those were the only things on the list of things we really wanted to do.

So, we decided that we would be fluid and just do whatever we felt like.

On the drive up, we stopped for an unplanned view of Tallulah Gorge, and visited the little gift store on the side of the road.  It was way too cold and windy to stand there for much more than a minute, but we did it. We enjoyed the little hidden treasure we found on the side of the road.

Now that we are 5 days into our vacation, we’ve been so lucky to have had a few more hidden treasures come our way.

Some of them just happened in the past day or two because we spent most of Monday and all day Tuesday in the cabin, just relaxing.

Wednesday we struck off to Sevierville to visit the Smoky Mountain Knife Works.  We couldn’t take the direct route of 441 because it was closed for a huge landslide, so big in fact that the proposed re-opening date of the road is May 15, 2013.

Heading out of Cherokee, we went through Maggie Valley and I remembered that my grandparents often went to Maggie Valley when I was a child. It was nice to ride and look at the place they so enjoyed visiting. I am going to ask my mom if there are any vacation pictures from Maggie Valley that I could take a look at. 

My memory isn’t what it used to be, but I’m thinking that maybe one time they took me and maybe my sister on a trip with them to Maggie Valley, but I could be making that up…

On the way to the Knife Works, we were winding our way around the mountain roads and came to Chestnut Hill, Tennessee home of Bush’s Beans.  There was a museum, general store and café.  I asked Chris to humor me and stop for us to take a look.  We ended up spending a couple of hours looking around and having lunch at the café. 

We were impressed with the atmosphere, it was bright and cheery and the people seemed to love what they were doing.  Chris said the Reuben he got was one of the best that he’s ever had. 

We got to laugh at the Duke commercials they were showing in the museum.  We bought a few gifts in the gift shop.

We talked about the visit for a little while, about how much we enjoyed it, and the best part, that it was an unexpected pleasure.

A childhood throwback was one of these signs:

After the Knife Works visit, which was almost not a good visit due to the quite unexpected astounding lack of knowledge of the employees of the World’s largest knife showplace, we started a meandering drive around the mountains of Tennessee looking for chert.

 

We wound our way through neighborhoods and came upon a boat launch on the Holston River.  The river is part of the Tennessee Valley Authority and the water has been lowered so Chris was able to walk along the riverbed and look at rock to his heart’s content.  For me, just seeing the slice of life off of the beaten path on those Tennessee roads was a hidden treasure.

How interesting to see how people in different areas of the country live.

 

Yesterday was the day we set aside to go to the Museum of the Cherokee Indian.  The museum was much larger than either of us thought it would be and we spent several hours there.  Once we left there, we weren’t exactly sure what we were going to do.  We saw the sign about the road being closed, and the area of the slide was only 6 miles away, so I asked if we could at least go to the road block and see if we were able to get a view of it.  Chris said sure, so we took off.

 

 

We got to the road block, and as guessed, we couldn’t see anything.  We assumed that they would have it blocked well in advance of the slide, and they did.  On the way to the slide though, we saw a sign for the Mingus Mill grist mill and the Mountain Farm.  We decided to stop at both on the way back.

 

Mingus Mill was tucked back into the woods and even though the temperature was in the 60’s, the icicles were still hanging around.

 

A young family of 3 came up as we were leaving and I offered to take a family photo for them, they were very appreciative – said they never get all 3 of them in a shot.  Always makes me feel good to do something like that for someone, especially when they seem so happy and it is helping them to preserve a memory.  I know I’ve enjoyed it when people offer to take a photo of me and Chris when we are tourists.

Next stop was the Mountain Farm.  We stopped off in the Park Ranger Station for some information about the farm and then took off on our self guided tour.
 

 

A few gratuitous shots of myself.

 

 

The Park Ranger told us that early in the morning, or around 5 or so in the afternoon was the best time for elk sightings.

 

 

When we were leaving the park, I asked Chris to slow down so I could get a picture of the elk crossing sign, because I felt certain that was the closest I would get to seeing an elk. Just past the sign, we saw a rafter of wild turkeys and slowed down for some photos.

 

We didn’t really have a plan, but the Park Ranger told us about Mingo Falls so we thought we’d head in that direction.  As we are going through town, I told Chris that all of the cars ahead of us were stopped.  So, as we get closer Chris was able to see what the cause was – ELK!  There was a herd of elk crossing the road right through the middle of town.

What an unbelievable sight!  I took as many photos as I could.  I was so excited that we did get some elk watching in as our best hidden treasure of the day.  When we had first seen the sign for the elk crossing, I told Chris that I hadn’t even considered that elk would be part of the wildlife of the area, and then all of the sudden, we’re sitting in the car watching a herd of them cross the road in front of us.  Even the locals came out of their homes to watch.

 

Our day today started off with a great morning!  I had googled things to do in Bryson City and of course, most of them are warm weather driven activities, but one of them was a pottery class at Pincu Pottery.  Last night Chris and I were discussing our week and that we only had one more full day left and I mentioned the pottery class.  He said he was interested, so right then and there, sitting in the restaurant, I called and set up an appointment for 10 am this morning.

The entire morning was just absolutely a blast.  If you are ever in the area and want a truly lasting memory, go visit Elise at Pincu Pottery for a class.  She glazes and fires your creations and then ships them to you in about 3 weeks.  I can’t wait to see ours!  In the 2 hours, I made 4 projects and Chris made 3.

We both were just amazed at how well we did, but with Elise’s instruction and expertise, you almost can’t go wrong.

 

 

Missing my friends

I'm having "moments", and lots of them. A thought crosses my and either I'm laughing or my throat gets tight and I'm choking back tears.

"I Can Only Imagine" comes on the radio and I'm in tears. What a beautiful song. I never really appreciated it until it was sung at my aunt's funeral.

I put a picture of Buzz up in my office. He is smiling that big ole Buzz smile, and looking at it makes me feel better. For se reason though, I haven't been able to handle one of Edna. I'll get there.

I'm still not over Willy, and don't know that I ever will be. Sometimes it's the guilt of having him put to sleep, but I couldn't stand the suffering he was enduring. Gabby is so much like him in so many ways, she's been a huge comfort to me.

Grieving is a process and I'm working my way through it.

Yeah, I miss my friends and my little boy.

Water

You know, it's taken me 47 years to get it right.  I never did drink much throughout the day.  I did manage to acquire a Coke habit - Coca Cola that is, Classic.  About 3 years ago, I got a nasty virus, and ended up badly dehydrated and had to have IV fluids.  A couple of bags later and I'm feeling better, although it was days before I was over that virus.  I drank cranapple juice while I was sick.  I realized that I hadn't had a Coke in a few days, so I thought I'd see if I could go a week.  I found out that Coke dehydrates you instead of hydrating you.  You have to drink two glasses of water to even things out.

And just three or four months before the virus,  I'd been admitted to the hospital to get re-hydrated, I knew I needed to make some changes.

I made the week without coke and thankfully without the caffeine withdrawal.  I tried for two weeks and reached that goal, then I went for a month, two months, and well, you get the picture.  I made it a year, and now, it's been three years since I've had a Coca Cola.  Like any addict, sometimes I long for that taste, but I have managed to stay strong.

I replaced Coke with cranapple juice, but the problem with that was that I didn't increase the volume much.

Chronic dehydration started causing all sorts of problems for me.  After my back surgery in 2010, it delayed me being released from the hospital by 3 days because they couldn't get me hydrated.  What was supposed to be a 2-3 day admission stretched into 6 days.  My neurosurgeon later commented that I had done great with the actual surgery, he just couldn't get me well from a medical standpoint because of the dehydration.

During my recovery, I started passing out, or nearly passing out.  Dehydration they told me.  Some tummy problems - dehydration again.  I stayed dizzy all the time and found myself holding onto things to keep from falling over when I'd get a wave of dizziness.  Fighting that feeling of knowing you're about to faint isn't fun.  Being dizzy all of the time isn't fun.

I had to have a tilt table test because of all of this.  Turns out - chronic dehydration was causing the symptoms.  The doctor told me that 99.9% of his patients were told to avoid salt, but he wanted me to add salt, to everything.  And to increase my water intake.

Still, it's hard changing life long habits.  I tried, I really did, but I was failing pretty miserably.  On top of failure, I was still fighting the dizziness.  However, I did notice that I wasn't as dizzy all of the time.  For the first time, I was feeling a little encouragement.

It was frustrating to not be able to stand for very long before the blood starts to pool in your ankles and because of your dehydration your heart can't pump it back very well, and the resulting dizziness causes the near fainting. 

My GI doctor told me that he believes it is POTS syndrome.  Dr Google agrees - reading the information about POTS was like they wrote it for me.  Guess what the treatment is?  Yep, water and salt.  He said that finally for him, the years of trying to deal with my crazy GI symptoms - now everything falls into place.  Several years ago, I had a very bad episode of what turned out to be ischemic colitis - which they describe as a heart attack in your intestines.  They were all surprised that I actually had it, I did not fit the profile of someone who gets IC - I had none of the risk factors.  They just scrathed their heads, but the biopsy confirmed it.  He had a light bulb moment at my last visit and for him, the chronic dehydration was the culprit, the last puzzle piece.  He said he felt comfortable to release me from further follow up with him unless something comes up in the future and I need him.

So,  what I took away from that last visit with him - water and salt.  Go figure.

Finally, after having it pounded in my head, I knew I needed to do something.  I don't know why it was such a struggle to drink the water, but it was.

So, I had to come up with something that I could stick to.

Four 16.9 oz bottles of water would get me the minimum amount of fluid a day that I needed.  So, in order to keep track of what I was drinking.  I would stop and grab 4 bottles of water a day and put them on my desk.  I won't leave work for the day until all 4 of them are gone.  I did it the first day, and the second day, and every day since.  Sometimes, I go grab a 5th bottle. So, when I get home, anything else I drink is gravy.  On the weekends, I put four bottles on the kitchen table, Chris knows that's my hydration station and leaves those bottles alone.

I've really been successful, and over the past few weeks, I've noticed a pretty significant decrease in my dizziness.  Talk about encouragement.

I helped out at a car show yesterday, and was on my feet for most of the day.  Once I got home, I realized that I hadn't been dizzy all day.  I didn't have to sit down because of dizziness, not once!  I did have to rest my feet and back though.  I would take a break and go sit in the car and turn on my heated seats, because it was so cold and windy and raining, but I didn't have to take a breather for being dizzy.

Water.  Who knew?

Friends of the best sort

The year is 1990, I’ve only been divorced for a few months, I am in my early 20’s. I have gotten myself a roommate. A friend of hers wanted to fix her up with a friend of a friend. She didn’t want to go alone to meet him, so she asked me to go with her. We met the guy, his name was Buzz, they dated, they broke up. However, he and I stayed friends. Our friendship grew. We had good times, we talked for hours upon hours, about our loves, our broken hearts, our triumphs, our faith, our fun times.

The years passed, I got married, he got married. I got divorced, he got divorced. We only stayed in touch every now and then, but it was always like we’d just spoken yesterday when we’d connect. Some friendships are powerful like that, some friendships weather all storms. Some people can’t understand that type of bond, but Buzz and I knew that our bond was rock solid. We loved each other. I was lucky that the man in my life understood, the women in his life did not. I stood solid, and he wandered away. I was hurt, I mourned his absence, I got mad, and I resigned myself to the fact that I may never talk to him again, but that it would be his choice, he knew where to find me.

A year went by, and one day he showed up at my office, it’s 2011. He looked like crap, I was shocked at the changes in him. But, I was so happy to see him, happy to hug him, to hear his voice, and happy to be able to fuss at him for disappearing on me. It was because the woman in his life didn’t understand the bond, it was no surprise to me. He came back nursing a broken heart, but worse than that, the liver disease he had been fighting was progressing.

We renewed our friendship with a vengeance, our phone calls were not just once a day, but usually several times a day. I started going to doctor’s appointments with him, started taking him to the hospital, spending the night in the hospital with him, making phone calls on his behalf, and even becoming his voice at times.

The year is 1997, I’m only a couple of days away from my secret wedding. The future groom called me and told me there was this girl Edna I needed to meet, she was new in town and was new in the medical field and thought I could help her. I went over to her office, and said hello, I surprised to meet this person who was completely opposite of the type of person the name Edna brings to mind. For some reason, I confided in her that we were sneaking off to get married in a day or two. A bond quickly formed, we spent hours talking and laughing, we got together as often as we could.

She moved to town only a day or two after getting married because her husband got a job here. She hated it here. I was the first friend she made after moving to town. Soon she found Tae Kwon Do, and she blossomed, she found a passion. She moved up in the ranks, achieving her 5th degree black belt, she won state championships and competed in and placed in worlds. I was always in awe of her accomplishments. She never backed down from a fight. Determination and dedication are two adjectives that describe her best, but you can’t leave out hysterically funny, loyal, friendly, stylish, and beautiful because they also describe her best. Charisma was what she possessed, and she possessed tons of it. I always felt lucky that she considered me one of her best friends. Actually, she often called me her best friend, a position I was honored to fill, yet one in which I felt like I didn’t always hold up my end of the bargain.

The year is 2002, and a nasty lump showed up in her breast, our worse fears were realized when the pathology came back as cancer, and triple negative breast cancer at that. I remember sitting on the floor on the phone with her for two hours, much of that conversation was just the two of us crying. She wasn’t going to take this lying down, she was going to fight with everything she had. Two days after she got her biopsy results, I got mine. I had a lump in the same location as hers. My lump was benign, we spent more time on the phone crying with relief.

She beat cancer down like swatting a fly. Cancer wasn’t going to mess with Edna.

Life got busy, I moved to a different town, albeit not that far away, about 30 miles, it alters your daily patterns. Alters your contacts, changes who you see day to day.

She made a major decision and moved her 97 year old grandmother from Kentucky to live with her because she wasn’t being taken care of where she was. I didn’t even know about it until months after Gran was here, and I feel badly that I let our communication slip that much. She structured her entire life and household around Gran. Nothing but the best for Gran would do. When Gran arrived, she was bedridden, on oxygen and in hospice. Edna was having none of that, Gran is now 100, off of hospice care, off of oxygen for the most part, and walking 14 minutes on the treadmill.

Three years ago, she came to work with me, and we got to spend 8 hours a day together and I loved it and so did she. We actually did get some work done, but we also got to renew the friendship in a major way. I also gained 15 pounds because we went to lunch every day and that girl loved something sweet to finish off her meal, and I had to follow suit, and she didn’t have to even twist my arm very hard at all.

The year is 2010 and that nasty lump is back, biopsy confirmed that the cancer had returned, and it had spread to several lymph nodes. Her job duties and our bosses allowed her to work from home while she underwent chemo. So, I didn’t get to see her every day, but we talked and texted and emailed constantly.

The cancer was really aggressive and spread to her cerebral spinal fluid, yet she fought, never taking her eyes off of remission and cure. Hospital visits to see her became more frequent. She beat the cancer into remission.

Buzz would tell me he was praying for Edna. She would tell me she was praying for Buzz. They often asked about the other one.

The year is 2011, it’s November, Edna had turned 40 at the first of the month. After Thanksgiving she went into the hospital, and the cancer came back. She was moved to palliative care, and then to hospice and on December 16, 2011, she was gone.

My world was shaken to the core. I finally made that trip to Kentucky with her, the one we’d talked about taking some day, but this was not the visit I had envisioned.

The year is 2012, the year is only 2 days old. Buzz has been in ICU for a few days. He went into multi-organ system failure. It’s a horrible thing when those who love someone have to make the decision to discontinue life support, but sometimes it’s the only choice. At 6:30 pm last night, January 2, 2012, Buzz took his last breath. I was sitting at his beside. Today, we made arrangements for his funeral.

My world was shaken yet again to the core.

17 days, only 17 days apart, two of the best friends I have ever had departed this earth for their Heavenly home. I am glad that their human bodies are suffering no more, I’m glad that their souls are soaring with the angels and they are embraced in the arms of our loving Father. I am lucky to have a large support system and many other wonderful friends who understand the grief that has taken over my life. I am lucky to have the strong support and loving arms of Chris who has just held me while I wailed and cried and struggled for my breath. I’m lucky to have a mother who showed up to sit for hours with me at the hospital, just waiting. I’m lucky to have friends and family who have texted and called to check on me. I’m lucky to have a father who spoke at Edna’s funeral. I am lucky to be blessed. I was blessed with these two wonderful friends, and I thank God for allowing me to know them and love them, and to have them love me right back.

Godspeed my friends.

Vegas Bound!

It's been almost a year since my last trip to Vegas. Before that trip, it'd been at least 5 years. I'm on my way to Vegas as I type this. I'm going to a meeting, a short meeting, but planning on getting the most out of my time there.

Chris wasn't as enthralled with Vegas as I am, of as I hoped he'd be. He passed on going on this trip.

It will be odd being there solo, but I've got so much planned to keep me busy that I know I'll have fun.

I want to see The Lion King at Mandalay Bay tonight, and Ka at MGM tomorrow. Im going to fill the rest of my time eating, gambling and sight seeing. Oh yeah, and attend that meeting.

I signed up for Google Latitude so Chris, my parents and my brother could track me. I figured it was only fair to let him track me because I am tracking his trek across the west on their camping trip to the Grand Canyon.

I'm taking a shuttle to Atlanta. Great service! Let someone else worry about the driving. I know I'll be especially grateful for it after I arrive back home on the red eye.

I downloaded The Help to read on the plane, but I made the mistake of starting to read it. I finished it yesterday! It is a great book. If you're looking for a great read, get this book. It will definitely make you laugh, and cry, and also make you stop and think.

I'm so glad my parents raised me to be accepting to different races. God created us all and loves us equally.

So, I think I might doze a bit, because I can do that, because someone else is driving.